Split Down the Middle
by LoudAutomata16
Summary: Luan finds herself in a tight spot when she ends up promising both Maggie and Benny to the high school dance. Fortunately, one of her sisters is willing to help her out with her problem. Though, maybe it wasn't the kind of help Luan was expecting.
1. Chapter 1

**It was brought to my attention that there is a steep split in the fandom between Luanny and Luaggie shippers. Now I don't like to see people fighting (unless it's two swimsuit models fighting over me wew) so I penned this story down in response. I hope that by writing this story, people from both sides of the aisle will... do something, idk**

* * *

There was romance in the air at Royal Woods High. Throughout the crowded hallways and stuffy classrooms, the young boys and girls let their studies slip as they could think about one important upcoming event; the dance.

And by 'young boys and girls thinking about the dance', it was mostly the girls, with a few of the less-sporty, less-scholarly, less-masculine boys.

Case in point; a young brown haired freshman named Benny.

Benny strolled down the hallway, dodging the buff football players and the angsty emos that cursed at him when he got too close to them. He wasn't the bravest kid in the world, but right now he was on a rush of adrenaline. He had practiced and practiced all of last night for one important mission, which he repeated in his mind as he clutched the crinkly paper in his hand.

_I'm going to ask Luan to the dance. I'm not going to chicken out. I'm going to do this!_

His firm foundation shook slightly when he turned the corner and noticed Luan standing at her locker. He paused for a moment, sighing deeply as he admired her beauty. Her skin was smooth and soft, her lips were pink and seductive, and she wore her brown hair in a long ponytail. Maybe it was his lustful vision, or the lighting, or even her natural attractiveness, but she seemed to radiate with a silvery aura that he drank in like a thirsty tribesman at an oasis.

His momentary worry passed, and he slowly approached her on shaky feet. She hadn't noticed him, as she was busy talking to a young woman he recognized as her older sister Luna. The punk rocker let out a raspy laugh, and Benny chuckled lightly with her. Luan's jokes were often painful, but sometimes she could hit comedy gold.

When he finally got close enough, Luan's back was still turned to him as she closed her locker shut with a loud _clang! _Luna peeked over her sister's shoulder and noticed the nebbish young boy, shuffling on his feet with a thin card in his hands. Luna grinned like the wolf, and gave the boy a knowing wink, before tapping her younger sister's shoulder. "Hey, Luan, looks like someone's here to talk to you."

Luan turned her head, and smiled when she saw who it was. To Benny's surprise, and delight, her cheeks reddened. "Hey Benny," she greeted. "It's _ben _a while. Ha ha, geddit?"

Benny gave a pained smile and laughed. "Yeah, it has been. Uh, I hope I'm not interrupting anything right now."

"I'm fine, dude. Just say what you got to say," Luna said in a chillaxed tone. She was interested to see how Benny would ask her sister out.

"Okay, well, in that case… Luan, you know there's going to be a dance in a week or so… and I was thinking..."

Luan's eyes widened as he handed her his makeshift card. "Will you go to the dance with me?" he spilled as quickly as he could, before he could chicken out.

At first, Luan wore an odd expression on her face. It seemed like a weird mix of happiness, regret, worry, confusion and other contradictory emotions. He was almost certainly sure that she would reject him, and that when she did the entire hallway would burst into laughter and throw rotten apple cores at him like they did in middle school. Before he could turn and run towards the nearest hole in the ground, Luan swiftly took the card from him. "I'd love to go with you!" she exclaimed, though perhaps her tone was a little too enthusiastic. It seemed artificial to Luna, but to Benny… he either didn't notice or didn't care.

_LUAN SAID YES!_

A million fireworks went off in his brain as he cheered for himself. He felt so happy that if he died at that very second, his own natural bliss would rocket him right through the Pearly Gates. However, the teen knew he had to play it cool, so he simply snapped and pointed at Luan, imitating finger guns. "Cool. I'll take care of transportation and costs and everything… we can talk more about it later. Right now, I need to go grab my lunch, so yeah. S-see ya!" he called out to her as he turned to rush back to his locker, leaving Luna and Luan alone in a sea of faceless students.

"Nice job, sis. You've become quite the catch," Luna noted with a teasing purr.

"Luna… I think I made a huge mistake," Luan said, the mixed expression on her face turning into one of abject horror. "I already have a date to the dance. I just… I got so nervous and flustered when he asked me that… oh no, what have I done?"

"Whoa, whoa, calm down Luan," Luna reassured her, placing a calming hand on Luan's shaking shoulder. "Just take a deep breath. In and out, in and out." As Luan followed the rocker's instructions, Luna bit down on her lower lip. She could tell Luan was in a sticky situation. "So who's this other date you have?"

"You remember that emo girl I sometimes hang out? Maggie?"

"Of course I do. Some nights you don't stop talking about her… wait a minute, are you two a thing?"

Luan blushed lightly, glancing at the side. "We… experimented a little. Some kissing here, some touchy feely there. I thought we could use the dance to make it official, so I asked her. But now..."

"But you also had feelings for him, so you couldn't turn him down?"

Luan nodded, and Luna cringed. "Sounds rough, dude. I mean, I'm happy to know there's another bisexual in the fam, but that's not really the main issue right now."

"I know. It was so stupid of me. Now what do I do?"

"Honestly, Luan, your best call might be to cancel on one of them."

Luan shook her head. "I can't do that. If I cancel on Benny, he'll get really depressed and angry with me. If I cancel on Maggie, she'll get _more _depressed and angry with me than she already is. Dang it, I really wish I had a time machine."

"Luan, trust me, if you had a time machine, you'd be wasting it if you just used it for that," Luna chuckled nervously, trying to lighten the mood. Judging from the death stare Luan gave her, it didn't work. Luna sighed, and shrugged her shoulders. "Look, I might not be the best person to ask about this. You should talk to someone who can help you with this better. Like Lori, she's the love expert."

Luan rubbed her chin, thinking about it. "I suppose there is someone I could ask about this..."

* * *

"For the last time, no means no. I'm not going to let you borrow my time machine to fix your indecisiveness."

"Oh, come on. Why not, Lis?"

"Well, for starters, you're dipping Lily's hand in warm water while she's sleeping," Lisa pointed out. The comedienne was hunched over on the floor, the sleeping baby's arm in her hand as she dipped it in a beaker of water. Luan grinned sheepishly and stood up straight, dusting herself off. "Sorry, force of habit," she confessed to the genius. Lisa rolled her eyes, and turned her attention back to her crossword puzzle.

"Look, Luan, even if my time machine weren't out of fuel right now, I wouldn't give it to you. It's only for essential use, like in the case of alien invasion or the more dangerous and inevitable seahorse uprising. The fabric of reality could be torn apart by reckless usage. I said no when Lola asked to travel back to Ptolemaic Egypt for Cleopatra's make-up, I said no when Lucy asked to travel back to the fifteenth century to meet Vlad Tepes, and I'm putting my foot down now as well."

Luan hung her head, and a sadness raced through her body. She felt as crushed by the revelation as humanity would be under their seahorse overlords in thirty years. "I understand. Guess I have to decide which one is going to hate me for the rest of their life," Luan sighed.

"Wait a minute, Luan, I never said I didn't have a solution. Just that I couldn't let you use my time machine."

Luan's face lit up with happiness, color returning to her face. She would have leapt with joy if it weren't for the baby's crib by her side. Nevertheless, she rushed over to scoop up her savant sister in a big hug. "Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you Lisa!"

"No problem. What are sisters for, after all?"

"So what are you going to do for me? Are you going to develop some genius time map that ensures I spend enough time with both of them?"

"I'll leave it as a surprise. If you wish to repay me, bring me some fruit from the kitchen. I need maximum nutritional power to solve this puzzle," Lisa grumbled as Luan let her down and she picked up her puzzle-book again.

"Yes ma'am. Now that I don't have to worry about my date for the dance, I can go on a date with some dates. Ha ha, geddit?"

"No, not really."

"Well, you said I should get you some fruit. And, well, dates have a double meaning and, er..."

A beat passed, and Lisa let out a disappointed sigh.

"Luan… that was abysmal. Even by your standards."

"I know," Luan whispered in an ashamed voice.

"No, you don't know. Because if you did you would've never attempted a joke that bad. It was a failure on every level of humor. I doubt it would work even as an anti-joke. It just..."

"Okay! I get it!" Luan shouted as she stormed out of the room. Lisa nodded to herself, and glanced over at her table of tools. She got off her chair, and picked up a shining scalpel, examining it over. She set it back down, and picked up a folder besides it, which contained several gray pictures of the anatomy of a teenage girl, and a small written document about the human brain.

"I believe I can make this work. This should be fun to experiment with, at least..."

* * *

A tense week rolled by, and Luan was growing more and more nervous every day. Lisa's promise seemed more like a lie at this point, but the fourteen year old girl refused to confront her on the subject, in the off-chance she actually was working on a solution to her dilemma. However, her paranoia tainted the air around her, and both Maggie and Benny noticed it. Every time they practiced for a play, Benny noted how nervous Luan was, and how she filled her dialogue with uncomfortable giggles. Every time they went out to eat, Maggie saw the french fries in Luan's hands trembling. And then, of course, there was the accident. Luan, without paying attention, had smacked her open soda can all over the emo.

"Oh God, I'm so sorry," Luan apologized in shock as Maggie jumped from her seat and reached for the napkins.

"Dang it, this was a new jacket!" Maggie cried as she started rubbing the cola out of it.

"I know. It's _soda-pressing _to see a nice jacket like that..."

"Luan, I'm not in the mood," Maggie growled at her, her teeth grit. Luan gave a sheepish, apologetic smile and helped her clean up her shirt. Thankfully, it was a dark colored shirt, so the stains didn't leave much of a mark. The two walked out of the restaurant, and as Luan closed the door behind her, Maggie spun around to face her.

"Alright, Luan, for once I'm going to try not to be angry… and I'll stay calm as long as you tell me one thing; why are you so jittery lately?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"I think you do. You shake a lot when you're lying. You're hiding something from me, aren't you?" Maggie eyed the jokey girl from head to toe. Luan backed up slightly, scratching her neck as her mind raced to come up with anything to justify her erratic behavior.

"Look Maggie, I'm sorry if I've been a bit weird lately. I just… have an open mic comedy session, and I'm worried about messing it up."

The angry fire in Maggie's eyes didn't fade, but it did soften a little. "I see. Uh… well, I know you're good with jokes, so I think you'll do fine."

"Really? You think my jokes are good? You never laugh at them, though."

"I never laugh. Period."

Luan grinned. "You make me laugh. Always putting on that edgy persona."

The pale girl blushed, and her calm, controlled demeanor vanished within a second. "I-It's not a persona! This is who I am. For real!"

"Sure it is, Mags," Luan draped her arm around the younger girl's shoulder, rubbing her cheek against the emo's blushing face. It wasn't often that she caught Maggie off-guard, and she was fully intent on savoring it. But as she continuing using the raven haired girl's face as a scratching post, Luan was flooded with guilt that gave her pause. Tomorrow, she could potentially break this girl's heart. Luan didn't know if she could handle that, because, after the jokes and goofs had settled, she truly cared for Maggie, and the last thing she wanted to upset her, even over something as superficial as a high school dance.

_Come on, Lisa, work your magic. Or science, I guess._

"Alright, I'll leave your smooth, soft cheeksies alone… for now," Luan said with a perverted glint in her eyes, trying to cover up her internal conflict. "I need to get home now anyways."

"I'll come with you. I have a tutoring appointment with one of your sisters, so we can just walk together."

"You get tutoring?"

Maggie crossed her arms with a displeased huff. "My stupid mom thinks I'm falling behind. But last time I checked, if your grades are in the seventies, you're passing. School is stupid anyways. It doesn't accommodate different learners like me."

Luan wanted to argue or, more pressingly, make a humorous retort, but she bit on her tongue to keep it from slipping. Instead, she just enjoyed her walk home with her favorite girl in the world by her side. As they walked, the sun slowly dipped from its place in the sky, scraping against the dark night on its way down. Call it the pathetic fallacy, but Luan couldn't help but relate the natural scenery to her own relationship with the young girl besides her.

Maggie, on the other hand, thought how wonderful it was that the miserable ball of gas finally left the sky. Nighttime was when she felt truly alive! Too bad her stupid mom made her sleep before midnight urgh

When the duo finally reached the front door of the Loud House, Luan knocked repeatedly until Lincoln came to open it. "After you~" Luan offered with a sweeping gesture. Maggie rolled her eyes and stepped into their home, with only a faint "Thanks or whatever," for Luan.

As soon as Maggie stepped inside, Lisa, who had been sitting on the couch and reading an academic paper about honey badgers, noticed the young teenager. With a sigh, she tossed the paper to the side and approached her. "Ah, Maggie, you're finally here. Shall we get started right away?"

"Wait, Lisa… are you the one tutoring Maggie?"

"Indeed I am. Is that a shock to you?"

"I… I guess not," Luan shrugged. She wasn't really sure how she felt about it.

"Don't worry, Luan. Maggie and I will simply study some basic, rudimentary geometry, and if we have time, I can use this time to help you with your problem."

"Hey! Ix-nay on the roblem-pay," Luan hissed to the genius. Maggie glanced at Lincoln, confusion written on her face, and the young boy simply shrugged. Before the ravenette could ask, Lisa grabbed her hand and started dragging her towards the stairs. "Come along, we don't have too much time to lose. And maybe I can get you some scents. You smell like Pepsi. I don't like that smell."

When Lisa and Maggie disappeared into the second floor, Luan looked down at Lincoln, and clasped his shoulders with desperation. "Lincoln, please tell me if Lisa's been doing anything that could maybe be used to help someone out on a dance or something."

"I… I don't know," he said, brushing her arm off his shoulder. "You know she doesn't like people bothering her about her science stuff."

"I know, I know. But I'm seriously in trouble. There's a dance tomorrow night, and I've promised both Maggie and Benny that I'd be there for them by accident, but I can't, and she was supposed to help me..."

The look on Lincoln's face suddenly changed to one of scornful apathy. "Oh, you have multiple dates to the dance, huh? Yeah, it must really suck to be put in that position… it would be even worse if it was your family that was setting you up with a bunch of people..."

"For God's sake, Linc, are you still mad about that Sadie Hawkins fiasco? Do you know how many guys would kill to have four girls to dance with?"

Lincoln rolled his eyes and walked back to the couch, picking up the remote and flipping the channel to some show about knights and zombie polar bears or something. "Okay, that might've been a poor choice of words," Luan realized as she decided to go upstairs and into her room. She found Luna in there, strumming her guitar, and Luan flopped onto her mattress. "I'm pooped," she exclaimed, as Luna glanced down at the lower bunk.

"Dude, it's only seven. The night's still young."

"Normally, I'd love to stay up," Luan said as she started fluffing her pillow, "but I just feel really tired. You don't mind if I sleep early, do you?"

"One thing before you head off to slumber land… did you fix your problem with Ben and the Magpie?" Luna asked.

"I'll let Lisa worry about it. She promised, and if there's one thing she's good at, it's keeping promises. Like how I'm really good at sleeping. In fact, I could do it with my eyes closed. Ha ha, geddit?"

"Good night, Luan," Luna chuckled as she exited the room, turned off the lights and left Luan to her dreams. What does a Luan dream of? Well, this is Luan, so you can only imagine the comedic and nightmarish things she sees at night. In fact, she was just in the middle of a terrible dream when she felt someone shake her awake.

"Come on, Luan, wake up," she heard a faint voice in her ear. She slowly opened her eyes, blinking to fix the blurriness of her vision. She let out a loud yawn when she found the source of her disturbance. "L-Lisa?" she mumbled, still trying to keep awake.

"I'm sorry to disturb your slumber. If it's any consolation, I waited for you to complete at least three REM cycles before I awoke you. You can return to the other two later."

"I'm going to return to them now if you don't tell me why you woke me up."

"Your little Benny-Maggie situation… I just solved it a few minutes ago."

Now she was fully awake. "Lisa, I can't believe this! Thank you, thank you, thank you!" she cried out, scooping the little genius into a warm hug. The four year old let out a loud choke as Luan squeezed her tightly. Thankfully, Luna had just been awoken by the sounds, and she angrily tossed a pillow at her roommate, causing Luan to drop Lisa, saving the young girl's life. "Keep it down, I'm trying to sleep!"

"Never thought I'd hear the loudest Loud tell me to keep it down," Luan smirked.

"Whatever, dude," Luna grumbled before rolling over in bed.

Lisa coughed before grabbing Luan and leading her out of the room and into the hallway. Luan thought Lisa would lead her to her room, but instead she was dragged down the stairs and out of the house. Luan shivered, as her pajamas proved useless against the cold night air, but Lisa, smartly dressed in her white lab coat, barely noticed.

Finally, they reached the vault in the backyard. "Lis, are we going to your underground lab?"

"Yes, we are. I assume you have a joke planned?"

"I would never. Underground puns have become way too mainstream," she snickered.

Lisa pretended not to hear that and opened the hatch, revealing a long ladder down. The two descended into Lisa's lab, and Luan was surprised at everything she saw. A tiny flying robot, a cat that sneezed fire, Maggie, an equation that proved once and for all that God was… wait a minute…

"MAGGIE?" Luan cried as she noticed the emo girl.

Maggie's eyes widened and her cheeks reddened when she noticed Luan in her loose, yellow pajamas. Luan noticed her noticing, and started blushing herself. "What are you doing here? Wait a minute… Lisa, is this a clone?"

Lisa shook her head. "Unfortunately, Father forced me to shut down my cloning machine for good after Lynn cloned herself seventy something times a while ago… so no, that is the real Maggie."

"Luan, your sister is insane!" Maggie cried as she grabbed Luan and tugged on her clothes desperately. "The things she did to me… the things she did to Benny..."

"Benny? He's here? Lis… what did you do to them?"

"Here, I'll show you," Lisa offered. Before either of them could say anything, Lisa grabbed a nearby glass of water and tossed the clear liquid at Maggie. It splashed on her pale skin, and she groaned.

"What's with you people and throwing drinks at me today?"

Before Luan could make a very cultured joke about getting Maggie _**dripping wet, **_the black-haired girl was enveloped by a thick cloud of smoke, that seemingly emerged from nowhere. It blasted her surroundings, and Luan coughed and waved her hand trying to clear the mist that burned her. When the smoke finally cleared she grabbed the teen in the fog. "Maggie, are you alright?" she asked.

Only it wasn't Maggie in her hands.

"H-hey Luan," a blushing Benny said, shyly waving his hand in greeting.

"Benny? Where's Maggie? She was just here."

"Thanks to the miracle of science," Lisa proudly began, "I managed to fuse both Maggie and Benny into the same body. It took a few hours, and judging from their screams it was extremely painful, but the end result speaks for itself. They can both take their individual forms, and with just a drop of water, they can switch between the tomboyish girl Maggie and the feminine boy Benny. Do you understand, Luan?"

Luan's face read like a deer in headlights. Benny waved his hand in front of her face. "Uh… Luan?"

"Lisa… what the fuck did you do?"

"Dang it. There goes our K rating," Lisa muttered as an aside.

"Fuck the K rating! You experimented on my best friends! You turned them both into a combined freak of nature!"

"Hey!" Benny protested.

"Well, Luan, I only did what you asked," Lisa shot back, slightly annoyed that Luan wasn't thanking her for her hard work.

"I didn't ask for this!"

"No, you're right. You didn't ask for this. You only asked for me to give you a magical solution to a problem that you could've avoided by having some courage," Lisa growled coldly. "Well, unfortunately, this is what I give you. You three make the best of it."

Luan tried to rebut. Unfortunately, nothing came to mind. As much as she hated to admit it… Lisa was right.

"Luan, what does she mean?" Benny asked.

Luan sighed. "I don't feel like answering that," she muttered, tossing another glass of water at him. With another quick flash of smoke, he changed back into Maggie.


	2. Chapter 2

When the next morning arrived, Luan faked being sick and both Maggie and Benny called their parents, lying to them and informing them that they were driving to school with "the friend they had slept over with" (It seemed that Lisa had been a very convincing liar, as neither Benny nor Maggie's mothers worried about them, and genuinely believed they had a sleepover).

"Alright, since we're now in this... predicament, to put it lightly" Luan began, strolling alongside Maggie on the sidewalk, "I think it's safe to say we made a good call by skipping school. Now we at least have time to figure this whole thing out."

Maggie shrugged. "I would've skipped anyways."

"And here I thought emos hated skipping down the sidewalk. Ha ha, geddit?"

Maggie groaned, and Luan shook her head. "Okay, no, this is serious. I guess I should ask… how do you two feel? Like, Maggie, what does it feel like when Benny's here?"

Maggie rubbed her chin, humming in thought. "I guess I feel like… I'm watching someone else do things for me. It's hard to explain. It's a very soulful and meaningful experience, though. Maybe a metaphor for our lives usually are. Just watching someone else live out our days for us... it's deep."

"I'm sure it is," Luan stifled a laugh at Maggie's unique brand of pseudo-philosophy. "Does Benny feel the same?"

"I don't know. Ask him," Maggie snapped.

Luan tossed an open water bottle at Maggie, and Benny reappeared. "Yeah, I do. I can't control everything, but I can see everything she sees and does. And when she's in charge, it feels like I'm floating on clouds."

_Wow, that sounds gay as hell, _Luan thought.

A sensitive boy and a sourpuss girl… what did she see in these two again?

"Look, Luan," Benny suddenly started talking again, "I know the three of us are in a bit of a rough patch, thanks to your sister..."

"Heh heh, yeah, it's all her fault," Luan grinned uncomfortably.

"… but I know that tonight is supposed to be one of the most magical nights of your life. It's an important dance, after all. So… me and Maggie want to make this work. For your sake," he smiled softly, making Luan blush.

_That's_ what she saw in them.

"Alright, let's test out what a normal day for us would look like. Let's go to the park!" Luan declared.

And so they went to the park.

Lantz Park was a beautiful place, and Luan personally preferred it over Ketcham Park. It was a nice open field of grass and healthy trees, each sprouting from the soil and scraping the sky with the tips of their top branches. To the sides of the park, there were natural gardens of brightly colored flowers, with pinks and oranges and reds that were a delight for both the people that strolled past them and butterflies that fluttered over them.

But it was the middle of the park that was Luan's favorite. In the middle was a large, shallow pond of water, which was surprisingly clean, considering the frogs that usually hopped around it at night. Luan took a deep gulp of air as she approached the pond, taking in the smell of freshwater. "Isn't this place wonderful, Benny?"

She turned to the young man, who was smiling bashfully. His hands were behind his back, and when Luan pointed, he pulled out a bouquet of the beautiful flowers of the park. Luan gasped, her entire face turning pink. "Benny… you shouldn't have."

"But I wanted to. Because you deserve..."

"No, I mean, you really shouldn't have. It's against the law to pull those flowers."

The young man tensed. "R-Really?"

"No, I messing with you," Luan giggled, taking the aromatic flowers from him. She sniffed them, and they filled her nose with the most pleasant smell imaginable. The soft sun was lightly gracing her skin, and the breeze from the pond made her hair flow. She felt like she was in the Garden of Eden. She was Eve, and he was her Adam.

Nothing could ruin this moment…

"Hey, head's up, dudes!"

Luan dodged as a spiraling football nearly hit her head, the fast reflexes she had learned from training with Lynn finally proving to be handy. Unfortunately, Benny did not have a sports-crazed sibling, and was hit so hard by the football that he fell into the water. "BENNY!" Luan cried.

"Sorry about that. Hope the guy's alright," a man in a tuxedo said as he retrieved his ball. He turned back to another man with a tuxedo, and they returned to their game, while Luan stared into the pond. With a burst of sparkling water, Maggie emerged from the shallow pool.

She glared at the flowers in Luan's hands. "Flowers? Wow, that's really tacky. Not to mention he literally handed you the vegetative corpses of some plants he killed."

Luan groaned. "If I'm Eve, and he's Adam… well, I guess we know who Lilith would be."

Maggie couldn't help but smirk at that. Luan offered the emo her hand, and she pulled her up. Maggie grabbed a handful of her obsidian hair, and began squeezing the water out of it. "That's weird. There's water dripping on my hands, but I'm not changing," Maggie noted.

"Maybe there's a cool-down time?"

"Seriously, how does your sister do it?"

Luan shrugged. "I'm more confused as to how she managed to make sure you guys keep your regular clothes when you switch. Maybe she's secretly a magician pretending to be a scientist."

"I hope she's a necromancer," Maggie sighed.

"Well, now that this moment's been shattered, how about me and you spend a little girl time together?" Luan asked.

"Yeet," Maggie answered, completely deadpan.

As the two began walking, Maggie felt more and more thankful that the day seemed more mild and temperate than other days. She had no idea how sweat would affect her transformations, and something told her it wouldn't be pretty. She felt like voicing her complaint to Luan, but when she saw the jester strutting along the sidewalk, beaming cheerfully, she felt a twinge of guilt. The idea of bothering Luan with her problems seemed… as if they would spoil the mood. She decided to do what she usually did; keep her frustrations bottled inside.

After about half an hour, the two came across a grocery store. There were boxes outside, containing fruits and vegetables of an arrayed variety. Luan felt her stomach growl at the sight, and she turned to Maggie. "Are you hungry? We can get something to eat if you want."

"I'm not hungry, but for your sake, let's go in."

"You know me too well," Luan laughed lightly.

"I also know you well enough to know you're planning some food puns."

"What? No. I _donut _know why you'd think that. Even if I did, you'd laugh because my jokes are _gouda_. But I guess I _butter _stop with the puns, because I value our friend-_chip_."

By this point, Maggie had already gone inside, so Luan followed after her with a cry of "Hey, slow down. I need to _ketchup!_"

She found the thirteen year old inside, waving her hand in front of the mist that was being sprayed on the herbs. She nodded to herself when she found that she wasn't changing into Benny. "Alright, good discovery," she mumbled to herself.

"Okay, Mags, I may be on a diet, but I still think basil is a bit extreme," Luan said, grabbing the younger girl by hand. Maggie felt a soft electric tingle race through her body when Luan's soft hand touched her cold skin, and she shivered feverishly. She let the jokey girl take her to the healthy snacks aisle. The shelves were stuffed with fat-free cookies, sugar-free chocolate and chips that tasted like vegetables.

"You know this is the same stuff as the regular version, right? They just slap a fake label on the box so lazy people can feel good about eating crap."

"Oh, Maggie, don't be so cynical," Luan smiled at her before reaching for some radish-flavored chips. "Besides, if it was bad for you, you think they'd make it taste better."

"It would taste worse without the chemicals."

"Fine, Dr. Maggie. What do you recommend I get?"

Maggie tentatively glanced around, making sure no one could see her and Luan. When she was sure the coast was clear, she revealed a green pear and gave it to Luan. "I'm giving you this because, aside from it being healthy… I-I think we make a great _pear_," she forced herself to pun.

"Aww, Mags, did you really just force yourself to make a food pun for me?"

"I guess," the blushing Maggie responded, before Luan pulled her in for a hug.

_You know, maybe it won't be so bad having the closest people to me be in the same body. Sure, it'll be a little weird having to dodge all the water, but… I think we can make this work. And hey, it definitely works for the dance tonig-_

Suddenly, Maggie burst into mist, and Luan coughed violently as a confused Benny appeared in her place. "What the… oh, the pear must've had some water on it," Benny said.

"But… what… I was having a moment… I… ugh..." Luan stammered, picking herself off the floor and dusting herself down. She looked back at Benny, who seemed to cringe under her disappointed gaze.

"Um… I can call her back if you want."

"No, you have the cool-down time, remember?" Luan sighed, her tone more upset and annoyed than anything. By this point, she had lost her appetite, and her stomach was churning, so she tossed the bag back and started storming away. Benny chased after her. "Luan, I'm really sorry. I mean… do you not like seeing me?"

"It's not that. It's just… I want to have special moments with you guys, you know? Individually. I don't want to have to constantly worry about water when I'm taking some flowers from you, or hugging her or… or..."

_No, Luan. You can do this. You can make this work. Because if you can't, then you'll have to go to the dance with only one of them. You can't make that choice. Maybe… maybe you can just stick it out until then…_

A buzzing notification interrupted her thoughts, and Luan angrily snatched her phone and looked at the name of the messenger. Surprise, surprise, it was little Lisa Loud. "What does she want now?" Luan muttered as she opened the phone and read the tiny scientist's message;

_By the way, Luan, I forget to inform you due to my sheer anger and annoyance (my apologies, I should not have allowed my emotional state to interfere with my explanations) but in order to make this project of ours work, I had to use a particular natural resource; an incredibly rare, top secret element known as Element 122. Unfortunately, it is particularly unstable, and I have found that if Benny and Maggie are not returned to my lab before midnight (AKA when your silly dance ends) they will trapped as they are forever, shifting between two forms. Luan… I can't and won't force you to make the decision I think is right. All I will do is implore you to just choose one of them as your partner, or both they and you will be stuck forever._

By the time Luan finished reading her sister's text, she groaned. "Goddammit, can I just have _something _go easy on me today?!" she shouted, attracting a few eyes from other shop-goers. "Why does the world insist on making me miserable?!"

"Luan, we're in public," Benny whispered, pulling her to the side. "Sorry, folks, nothing to see here," he tried to wave them off. He pulled Luan out of the store, and clutched her shoulders, his eyes wide and full of concern. "Is everything alright? I-If I can help somehow, please tell me. I don't want to see you like this."

Luan was heaving at this point, her breaths loud and heavy. She looked back into the young man's eyes, and it helped calm her down. "No, Ben, I'm not completely fine," she admitted to him. "The truth is that..."

_Are you really going to tell him? _Her subconscious voice said, speaking with a tone full of selfish desire. _Are you really willing to go through with the consequences? Are you willing to see Maggie ball up her fists and tremble as she struggles not to cry if and when you cancel on her? Are you willing to see the light fade from Benny's eyes if and when you reject him? You're not brave enough for that, Luan. Let them stay this way forever. Let them stay this way for _you_._

There was a flicker of a spark of resistance within Luan's mind, but it died out as quickly as it was lit.

"The truth is that I really wanted the, uh, c-carrot chips," Luan lied to her companion. "Sorry for overreacting. I just… this whole thing with you and Maggie..."

"If you're worried about me blaming you, I'll tell you right now that I don't. And I know that Maggie doesn't either," he reassured her kindly. He reached over to her bound, brunette hair and ran his fingers through it, stroking her head gently. "We know what's happening to us isn't your fault."

Luan squirmed uncomfortably. "Y-yeah."

"And hey, we got all day. So why don't you go back inside, find the chips you wanted and maybe get me a bottle of water?" Benny joked, trying to cheer Luan up in her way. A humorless smile curled onto Luan's face, but she still jerked up suddenly, nodding at Benny. "Sure thing, Gender Bennyder," she tried to joke before she went back inside. At first, Benny glanced up at the sky, his mouth curling and uncurling, distraught. He was troubled by the dark clouds hanging in the sky, indicating rain, but there was a more important issue at hand.

He knew something was bothering Luan… well, aside from the whole him and Maggie being the same person thing. There was a deeper issue nagging at her. Was it something to do with the dance that night? It would be an emotional time after all…

He heard a buzzing on the ground, and his eyes widened as he saw Luan had accidentally dropped her phone. He picked it up, brushing some dirt off the screen. "I'll hold onto this, until she gets back," he said to himself. And just as his finger was about to press the off-button…

Benny was filled with a sneaky, boyish curiosity.

He glanced back at the exit, making sure Luan wasn't about to come out, and then he read through her messages. He felt immense guilt upon doing so, but at the same time, some of the things on there were pretty interesting. "Wow, is her sister really tying up that buffalo by herself?" he scratched his curly hair with bewildered awe.

Then he found messages between her and Lisa. "I bet Lisa's sent her some messed up sh-"

He read everything the genius wrote to her sister. By the time he finished, he was gasping for air, his entire body shaking with fury and betrayal. He was still rational enough to think, however, and he realized that if he was angry… Maggie would be ten times angrier…

And she would express it better.

And luckily for him, the dark sky above decided it was time to start pouring just as Luan exited the store.

"Hey, sorry I left you in the rain. I also got you a water bottle, but I guess since it's raining you don't… hey, Maggie, what's wrong? Why do you look so..."

Luan eyes widened with horror when she saw her glowing phone clutched in Maggie's cold grip. The girl shot daggers at her with her dark eyes, and Luan shivered. "Wait, Maggie, I can explain, I swear!"

"Oh really?" she growled, her voice more audible than the heavy rain crashing into the ground. "Explain to me how you ended up with both of us as your dates. And then explain to me why you had your sister put us together like some science fiction freak monster!"

"I didn't ask her to do it, I swear!"

"Oh, but you weren't exactly rushing us to your house to fix us, now were you?"

"I just… I mean..."

"I get what happened. Little yes woman Luan decided to invite me to the dance, maybe as a joke knowing you, and then when Breaking Benjamin asks you out, you're too much of a coward to say no. And then you ask your creepy sister for help, and then you're surprised when she does something creepy. And you want to keep us like this, maybe even risk us getting back to your sister in time, just so you don't have to make a choice. Is any of that wrong?"

"You're not letting me explain myself..."

"Is any… of that… wrong?" Maggie repeated through grit teeth.

Luan glanced to the side, her head hung in shame. "No," she whispered.

"Didn't think so," Maggie muttered, before turning around and walking away from the comedienne.

And maybe it was the rain, but Luan could've sworn she saw tears coming from Maggie's eyes.


	3. Chapter 3

**Guest: If I found myself one day openly boasting that I'm laughing at a fictional thirteen year old girl, I'd probably go rethink my life...**

* * *

Maggie's breath hitched as she felt Lisa tighten the straps around her arms and legs. When the young genius was sure that her experiment was secured, she pulled out a tiny syringe and pressed on it, watching a tiny squirt of liquid fly into the air and fall towards the ground.

"You're sure this is safe, right?" the emo asked.

"Safe, but painful. Why do you care? Aren't you dark and broody teenagers prone to cutting yourselves? Pain should be normal for you."

"I don't. And a lot of us don't, for that matter."

"Pfft. Poser," Lisa scoffed, tapping the needle a few times. She grabbed Maggie's right arm, rolling up her striped sleeve, and ran her fingers along the length of her pale forearm. When she found a point she seemed happy with, she dug the needle in. Maggie hissed as she felt the shot empty into her bloodstream. Lisa pulled it out when she was finished, and nodded at the hissing girl. "Alright, this shot will ensure that your transition back to normal should be much easier. For me, of course. Not for you."

"Why are you so callous? This is all your fault in the first place. Can you at least pretend you're sorry?"

"Oh, I am indeed sorry. I am sorry for breaking the medical codes by experimenting on subjects without consent. I am sorry for causing you and the other one pain. But most of all, if I am being quite honest, I am sorry that I couldn't give my sister what she wanted."

"Don't remind me of Luan," Maggie grumbled.

"All I really wanted to do was help her. She's always been a more… expressive and emotional person that myself. She cares more for others, and whether she harms them or not, barring the first of April. What I was trying to accomplish here was helping her with her main goal."

"Which was?"

"Not upsetting either of you."

Maggie blinked. She wasn't "shocked" by Lisa's words, but it was odd having it reiterated to her out loud. Lisa sighed as she strolled to a giant set of levers and buttons on the wall. "I remember how thrilled she was when she came home after asking you to the dance, Maggie. She was almost certain you would turn her down. I was too, to an extent. And when you agreed to accompany her, she was more elated than I had ever seen her. And Benny, I know you can hear me, so I'll also say that, despite her fright at the prospect of having to choose between you two, knowing that you had a romantic eye for her also made her burst out with joy. Truthfully, she cares deeply for the both of you, and she technically never asked for me to do… this."

"What are you trying to say?"

"What I'm trying to say is not to be mad at her. If you have to walk away displeased with a Loud, then let it be me. We have no history together, nor future. But you do have both with Luan."

"It's not that simple. She lied to us. She knew that if she didn't get us back to you, we could be stuck this way forever."

"I can't speak for her," Lisa admitted truthfully, "but she can. So… how about I make you a deal? I'll erase all memories of how painful the next hour will be if you agree to talk to Luan. You don't have to forgive her or anything. Just talk. Okay?"

Maggie scowled at the offer. She wasn't in the mood to deal with Luan, but at the same time, the prospect of a mind wipe was appealing. "Okay, deal."

"What about Benny? What does he think?"

"Who gives a shit what he thinks?"

Lisa grin wickedly. "I hope you and Luan get together. I'd love to have a sister-in-law with an attitude like your's."

She flicked the switch, and the painful burning sensation began. At first, Maggie felt it was scorching, but still tolerable. Then it began to eat at her, burrowing into her flesh and lighting her entire nervous system on fire. Time seemingly did not exist anymore, and all that Maggie could focus on was the painful choking and plasma dancing inside her skull.

Then, after a long period of time, she found herself free. She collapsed on the ground, naked. Her large breasts pressed against the ground, and she shivered as the cold air swept over her nudity. She glanced up, still panting and sweating, and noticed Benny on the ground besides her, also nude.

Lisa tossed clothes at them, and Maggie scrambled to put on a jet black hoodie with a gray tracksuit, while Benny put on a striped shirt and brown jeans. "I hope you like the clothes. I stole them myself," Lisa beamed, before shoving the two towards the ladder. "Now go up there and cheer a sad clown up."

"What about wiping our minds?" Benny asked.

"Oh, alright. Look into the light," Lisa instructed as she pulled a metal flashlight out of her pocket. It flashed with pure white light, and everything was rubbed out of the two teenagers' minds. The only thing that remained was a singular instinct…

"I should probably talk to Luan now," they both thought out loud.

* * *

The heavy rains had subsided by now, and only a light drizzle watered the grass of the backyard. The sky was clearing, painted with blue and light gray. When Benny and Maggie crawled out of the hatch, they found Luan waiting for them on the steps to the back door. Her face was downcast with guilt and sorrow, and both Benny and Maggie could agree it wasn't a pleasant sight when the jovial girl was unhappy.

"Good to see you two are back to normal again," Luan faintly whispered.

Benny raised his hand, feeling drips of rain fall into his palm. He wasn't bursting into smoke, or morphing into a different person, so he nodded. "It's good to not have to worry about water."

"Yeah. That is good," Luan repeated.

An awkward silence hung in the air. All three of them were struggling to think of something to say. Luan wanted to apologize without saying something that made it seem like she wasn't blaming herself, Maggie wanted to confront Luan without saying that would wound or hurt her even more, and Benny wanted to ask for an explanation without getting too heated or demanding. The English language was limited, and thus the trio were motionless as they tried to explain themselves.

Luan decided to keep it simple. "I made a terrible mistake."

"You really did," Maggie responded.

"Why did you do all this?" Benny asked.

Huh… guess keeping it simple makes it easier.

Luan let out a heaving sigh before she started. "Benny, Maggie… before I say anything, I just want you two to know that you mean a lot to me. I've never had friends as great as you. Maggie, you always challenge me to be better and try harder, and Benny, you always help me get to where I should be. That's why I couldn't reject either of you for the dance. I… I guess I do need both of you. I didn't want to disappoint you guys or make you hate me."

"Luan, I would've understood if you had said that you were already going with someone else," Benny insisted.

"Maybe you would have, but tell me the truth… it would've hurt you, right? That this night we've all been waiting for, that only comes once in a lifetime… to not spend it with the person you wanted to spend it with most..."

Benny understood what she meant. He cringed slightly, baring his teeth with discomfort and thought. "I guess I would have, you know, been sad about it."

"Not me. I… I don't care about dances," Maggie said. The obvious lie made Luan chuckle sadly.

"I was just trying to protect both of you. Or at least I thought I was. Maybe I was just being selfish. But regardless, I never wanted Lisa to use you as lab rats. I just thought she would do something simple for me. Like a super speed potion so I could run back and forth between you two. Or something, I don't know it all seems so stupid now..."

"Luan, you really should've told us," Maggie said, her voice cutting into Luan's heart. She noticed that, however, and turned down the gruff edge in her tone, opting for a more soft delivery. "And listen, Luan… maybe this is all our fault. Not just us, all of society should be blamed for putting so much on this dumb dance. It puts pressure on people for something that, honestly, will be barely remembered after a while."

"Typical Maggie, always blame the world," Benny rolled his eyes.

"Shut up, Jon Arbuckle. My point is that maybe we should just accept that we're young and we have a lot of choices ahead in life, and for people to expect us to have our choice for a partner ready right now is honestly retarded."

"I… I guess you're right," Luan muttered.

"I'm always right," Maggie said, making all three of them chuckle. The negative, oppressive air seemed to dissipate slowly, and the weakness Luan felt in her bones vanished. She found the strength to rise to her feet, and stood proudly, looking down at the two before her.

"Well, I guess it's fair to say we're all skipping the dance now."

Benny and Maggie both nodded in unison.

"So let's say we do something right here, right now. Just the three of us."

"Like what?" Maggie asked, her voice comfortably returning to its usual graveness.

"We could… have a small dance here," Benny shrugged.

"Oh, I can agree with that," Maggie smiled, pushing the young man to the side. She grabbed Luan's hands and pressed their palms together. Her dark, moody eyes stared into her amber irises, and both girls smiled at each other. "Ready to do this?" Maggie asked in a husky whisper.

"I sure am," Luan whispered back.

"I get second dance," Benny called out.

And, needless to say, the three of them had a better time in Luan's backyard then they would have if they were all fused together at a miserable, hormonal high school dance.

* * *

**I did it. I saved the fandom. Where's my trophy and military parade?**


End file.
